PrImArY sChOoL - pArT 3 oF 3

When I went back, something changed inside me and I became even more reclusive than before, not distinguishing one day from the next, not caring, just ignoring those girls all over again and spending inordinate amounts of time in the library. The moment I found myself becoming something of a teachers pet, I rebelled against it, not in a obvious way but my work became sloppier and my participation less and less apparent. The only time I ever remember being myself was with another girl who, for a very brief period, was my friend. Until the end of the year when her parents moved to Cleveland, somehow I’m beginning to see a pattern.

I think I spent most of grade five and six in this reclusive and isolated persona. My teachers had mistaken it for shyness and I was careful to be open enough to deter any real worries from forming. More and more of my time was spent in the make-believe world of books until the librarian took special interest in me, allowing me to spend my breaks inside the library and appointing her my unofficial deputy. No one knew the library better than me and it was something of a sanctuary…or rather a thing that kept me away from the world of my peers. I was labelled as a bookworm, a loner and eventually left alone but as my final year of primary school approached, people began to try and break that barrier once more. As I began to help people with school work, they began to feel more comfortable around me, accepting that there were some things they could not change about me. And because they accepted those things I slowly began to become less reclusive even though I never truly opened up.

Grade seven was a really great year and we all became very close friends but the barrier between boys and girls was blurring and suddenly hormones had erupted, I was left out of the spin and intended to remain as such. Many things happened because of this but none of any relevance. At the end of the year, my ritualistic shattering of friendships occurred. Two of my best friends were leaving and the three of us were separated in three different schools. Primary School was over.